The Abstract Life

Visit to Santa Cruz - Beach Street Cafe

April 29, 2016

I recently visited Santa Cruz with my boyfriend and it was a wonderful day trip. We started the day early and drove down from downtown San Jose over the Santa Cruz mountains. It took about an hour and was pleasant drive. I suggest you leave early or will be sitting in beach traffic and it can be very tedious. If you get there early you can also find street parking and use the parking app, Parkmobile. It's cheaper than parking lots and better than the other option of parking in a neighborhood and walking for miles to get to the beach.

Once we arrived we had breakfast at a quaint little breakfast spot, Beach Street Cafe. It is located directly across from the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk and Cocoanut Grove. We didn't realize it at the time but it's a very popular local breakfast and lunch spot and is a landmark of Santa Cruz. It was one of the original buildings in the town at the turn of the century and has a lot of character and signs of its history. There is a tiny sliver of ocean view, depending where you sit. The food was fine, nothing especially exciting. However, their wonderful orange juice and mimosas are something to indulge in! I mostly enjoyed the cafe because most of the Santa Cruz spots seemed very commercial and "beach town" themed and, to be frank, a little kitschy. It is a small oasis in the madness of beach and boardwalk hustle and bustle.

Tip: Make sure you write your name and party size on the clipboard at the front of the building where the doorway is outside. They will call your name twice and if you aren't there they will cross you off and let the next people on the list in, so make sure you are within hearing distance of the doorway.

The cafe features one of the largest Maxfield Parrish print collections in the United States. I loved the antique, simple touches and art. Maxfield Parrish, born in Philadelphia in 1870, was one of the most well known artists at the end of the 1800's/early 1900s. His illustrations were featured in numerous magazines at the time. Parrish's successful career continued until his retirement at ninety one. He died only four years later, at ninety five in 1966.

Fun story: Half way through breakfast we ran into one of our really good friends from the Bay Area that I was going to hang out with that evening. She was there for a day trip as well with her infant son to meet friends for brunch at the cafe. They ended up joining our table because the wait was so long and we got to have an impromptu friends brunch. It was such a pleasant, serendipitous surprise.

Spring Wedding Guest Style

April 20, 2016

It's that time of year again. Spring wedding season is upon us. Instead of trying to find entirely new outfits to wear (which can add up quickly on top of all your other wedding guest expenses), try mixing and matching your accessories with a couple dresses. It will keep it fresh enough looking that your IG feed and facebook pictures don't look like you're wearing the same exact outfit over and over again. Besides, your followers might just be impressed or inspired to mix and match their own wardrobes rather than purchasing numerous outfits for all the different weddings they'll be attending. Inspiring fashion choices? That kind of makes you like a real life Gigi Hadid. Go you!

The trick is to stick to dresses that are similar in style and are complimentary in hues and colors (think complimentary, triad, or analogous colors). Here I have two V-Neck, A-Line, fit and flowy dresses that are in the pastel color family and are sort of triad colors of periwinkle blue and pink (BONUS: they are very close to Pantone's colors of the year, Rose Quartz and Serenity). The structure of the dresses allows for accessories to mix and match endlessly because even on the other dress, the bones are the same.

Another less expense option, which is also eco-friendly, is to rent your clothes. Rent the Runway and others like it offer designer clothes at a fraction of the retail cost. You get to feel like a million bucks without spending a million. Also, you rarely wear those event specific dresses again anyways so it's preventing your closet from spilling over with unwearable items and takes away the guilt of having to donate a killer dress that cost a lot. Besides, who doesn't love looking stylish while helping the environment?

Get the Look:

Spring Wedding Guest Style by theabstractlife

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It's Okay to Have Gray Days

April 15, 2016

Sometimes I have "Gray Days" and get lost in the fog. I like to tell myself it's from the stress of work or my allergies or health issues; it could be all of those things. However, I know that sometimes I am just dealing with the little monster that sits on my back and whispers to me that I'm not good enough or I don't matter. It tells me to just give up, not to get out of bed, and that I am a disappointment. It is the same mean little monster that will then yell at me after I spent the day laying around getting nothing done. It screams that I wasted my whole day and insights a small panic attack because I am going to be discovered for what I am. This monster is my occasional depression and anxiety. It comes and goes. It's like relatives visiting for the holidays: familiar and unexpected all at the same time and always lasts a little longer than you thought it would.

In high school I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety issues. It was partly a result of a sudden decline in my health and starting to go to a public school for the first time after being homeschooled for ten years. I was given medication to help a young person deal with the difficulties of chemical imbalances in my body that contributed to the depression. I was taught stress management methods-most of which I ignored-to try to counter my anxiety attacks from how I felt and what I was dealing with. I turned to binge eating among other things as a way of releasing stress and making myself feel happy. I perpetuated an unhealthy cycle of binge eating to make myself feel better temporarily, only to feel more depressed afterwards to have let myself down and abuse my body. I still struggle with that at times to this day. I didn't like to share my struggles with others and most people would have been surprised by my internal struggle. Today, I find I still "play pretend" that everything is well. Except I can't hide completely from those that truly know and love me.

My depression and anxiety don't control my life like it did in high school. My life is much healthier and happier as an adult than it ever was as a child. I surround myself with loving and edifying people. I have learned that I simply can't afford to keep hurtful, negative, or stressful people in my day to day life. Learning to take care of yourself because your needs are real is a hard lesson to grasp. I have been brought down by then friends that I thought cared about me as much as I did them. By crossing out a lot of people from my list of friends as an adult, I am all the happier and healthier for it. Rather than quantity I have some of the greatest quality of friends. They encourage me and know me and my heart. I have my own Aibileen Clark(s) cheering me one. It has been one of the most beautiful things I have discovered in my life.

One of the other most beautiful things I've been blessed to experience is the love of a wonderful man. We'll call him...Mr. Darcy. He is supportive, kind, and so good to me. I have joked that being with him is better than any anti-anxiety medicine I have ever been forced to take. As soon as Mr. Darcy walks through the door I feel a wave of relief and comfort. He enwraps me in a hug and takes on my day and emotions with his. This man is so gentle and loving I am often assuming he must be sarcastic with his adorations rather than sincere (I was raised by an engineer so sarcasm is my second language). What a gift his support has been. Except I uncovered the truth of healthy boundaries the hard way. I cannot solely rely on him or anyone else to be my anchor. That would be like building a house with only one support beam=a recipe for things to come crashing down. When I first moved across the country I experienced incredible depression and kept looking to Mr. Darcy to fill the incredible hole I felt. It was one of the hardest patches of our relationship so far. I put unfair expectations on him to be able pull me out of the pit my little monster had put me in. Recognizing that only I could be responsible to survive this and save myself was the first stepping stone towards managing my little monster.

Managing depression and anxiety is one of the hardest things you can do emotionally. The best I can describe it is like you are torn between apathy, terror, and at a complete loss of hope and courage and then you're put in a rowboat without paddles in the ocean and expected to get back to shore every day to do it all over again. Except in real life you are required to socialize, respond to people's texts, get on the phone, and be productive. The the conjecture from others is that if I just "get over it" or "just be happy" it will solve everything. The engineer's daughter in me goes, "Oh Gee. Thanks! I can't believe I didn't think of that for the past thirteen years!" (told you I spoke fluent sarcasm). Depression and anxiety are not "moods," they're illnesses. When someone is sick with the flu we don't say to them, "Just get over it. Just choose to not be sick. You're spoiling things for everyone else with your being sick." I have my different strategies for dealing with stress and depression. I can't cure myself, but I can cope and conquer the gray days here and there. I find courage and reasons to hope.

In conclusion, it's okay to have gray days. They happen, but they don't mean I'm failing at life. I am in no danger from myself like I was as a teenager and I have a loving support system. I give myself grace on days that I give in to the little monster and believe his lies. I search for new ways to challenge myself to keep my mind busy, have creative outlets, and take time to recharge. Lastly, I give myself grace on days that I give in to the little monster and believe his lies.

Do you have gray days too? You don't have to be diagnosed with depression or anxiety to experience a gray day. You might struggle with your own little monster in another form. I encourage you to fight it. Just remember, "You is kind, you is smart, you is important."